Keeping It Short
by hiddenhibernian
Summary: A collection of mostly Dramione drabbles, each chapter complete on its own. Originally written for the dmhgchallenge and Draco100 on LiveJournal.
1. Speaking With A Forked Tongue

**Warning: contains foul language, for which Draco is entirely to blame.**

* * *

 **Speaking With A Forked Tongue**

 **-oOo-**

" _Bastarding cuntfuckers!_ " Draco swore under his breath. With his ingredient budget cut again, the students would soon be brewing potions with water only.

"Professor Malfoy! I expect my staff to keep their vocabulary civil. No matter what new idiocy has emanated from the Ministry."

"You understood that?"

"Yes. I once spent a fortnight in a B&B in Skegness without any books."

"You learnt Parseltongue. In your spare time."

The Headmistress looked amused. "Apparently, so did you."

"I'm the Head of Slytherin. It seemed appropriate."

Later, he whispered some deliciously depraved phrases in Hermione's ear.


	2. Greenhouse Three, Five Minutes Later

**This was originally written for the June dmhgchallenge on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **Greenhouse Three, Five Minutes Later**

 **-oOo-**

"That was unexpected."

"You don't say." Hermione was distinctly unimpressed.

Draco defended himself. "How could I know they fixed the Anti-Apparition wards?"

"Common sense truly is an under-appreciated commodity."

"On the bright side, by dinner time Weasley will know you're over him."

"Being caught out by the Hogwarts Parent Teacher Association touring the greenhouses was not how I intended him to find out." Hermione hunted for her handkerchief.

"S'all right," he reassured her. "By the time we get married even Mrs Weasley will laugh."

"We're not getting married!"

Draco decided to save the ring for later.

 **THE END**


	3. The 1st of September

**This was originally written for the July dmhgchallenge on LiveJournal. I'm pretty chuffed about the fact that I won this time.**

* * *

 **The 1st of September**

 **-oOo-**

She is aware of where he stands on the platform, to the nearest inch. Astoria clings to his arm; Hermione wonders what they talk about. Probably their children, like she and Ron. Once a year they dispatch their respective offspring to repeat their parents' mistakes – nothing much has changed in a generation. It's Hermione's fault: had she dared to trust Draco, they would have been much more than tired copies of their teenage selves. Even Ron.

Hermione permits herself one lingering look before returning to her busy life, where envying Astoria Malfoy is as ludicrous as Ron's professional Quidditch ambitions.


	4. In Love And War

**In Love And War**

 **-oOo-**

Well, this had been a piss-poor decision on Draco's part. His left arm ached, his aim was faltering and he was bleeding from his forehead.

A screech announced Granger's arrival. "What is going on here?"

Weasley fired off another curse, almost hitting Draco. "What does it look like? We're duelling about you!"

"You – Are you out of your bloody minds?"

"I thought we'd settle it once and for all," Weasley panted.

" _Stupefy_!" Not even unsheathing her wand to take Weasley down, she turned to Draco. "And what have you got to say for yourself?"

"I'm an idiot?"

"At least you're my favourite idiot," Hermione muttered.


	5. Letters From The North Sea

**.**

 **Letters From The North Sea**

 **-oOo-**

"Keep it down, Granger – are you strangling a hippopotamus in there?"

"I have a cold," she replied with dignity.

"Well, some of us like to sleep occasionally. If you don't mind."

"You're one to talk, Malfoy – last week I thought they'd put a troll in the cell with you. Where do you think I got the cold from?"

"So now it's my fault?"

They kept talking through the long, bitter night. Talking kept them awake, and staying awake meant staying alive, albeit with clattering teeth and frostbitten limbs. In Azkaban, silence meant death.


	6. Aftermath

Potter was a coward, Potter was a fool. Potter had no idea what he was doing and Potter was going to lose. A blinding light, two wands tumbling through the air, and the lies Draco had believed since he got his first broom shattered into a thousand pieces.

The midday sun shone as bright on the defeated as on the victors. Draco shielded his eyes, seeing clearly at last. An uncertain future was better than none; failed Death Eaters got no second chances. He ought to be grateful to Potter, he supposed. Another day; for now, being alive was enough.


	7. The Cake Conundrum

**This was originally written for the Draco100 challenge on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **The Cake Conundrum**

 **-oOo-**

"It's like –" Crumbs spluttered as Weasley attacked what the Ministry canteen considered lunch. "Having your cake and eat it, innit?"

"What?" Draco didn't even like cake.

"Saying you can't stand Hermione, while you can't take your eyes off her. She's still queuing, by the way." Weasley swallowed. Loudly.

"I – " Draco pulled himself together. Malfoys didn't stutter. "We argue all the time!"

"That's practically foreplay to her. Watch out, here she comes."

Draco dropped his teacup.

"I got cake. Want to share?" Hermione sat down.

Weasley groaned. "I'll go sit with the Aurors."


	8. One Day, Soon

**This was written for the Draco100 community on LiveJournal, so it's not Dramione - proceed at your own risk.**

* * *

 **One Day, Soon**

 **-oOo-**

There was something about the Malfoy boy. He walked like he owned the place, just like his father, but carried himself with the same grace as his mother. He added something of his own, too – the see-through skin and the hollow eyes of a boy about to break suggested he had a more sensitive mind than one would expect from a union between the illustrious houses of Malfoy and Black.

Argus Filch rubbed his hands. One day, very soon, Draco would look lovely strung up in his chains – all that white, unmarked skin. To begin with, at least.


	9. Win Some, Lose Some

**Back to our regularly scheduled programming - here's some Dramione written for the prompt 'A difficult decision' for Draco100 on LiveJournal:**

* * *

 **Win Some, Lose Some**

 **-oOo-**

"You're suggesting I help you bring down our glorious overlord in exchange for – what?"

"A chance to a future." Butter wouldn't melt in Granger's mouth.

Draco didn't trust her an inch. "Plus a shedload of Galleons. The family fortune isn't what it used to be."

"Deal."

"I haven't agreed yet!"

* * *

He couldn't pass up a chance to put an end to The-Boy-Who-Turned-Dark. Granger used Draco posing as a captive to access Potter's inner circle, having been banished for criticising his regime.

Potter duly bit the dust, and Draco emerged as a hero – kissing Granger.


	10. Sacrificial Rites

**Hermione can be far more ruthless than Draco ever suspected. Originally written for the Draco100 community on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **Sacrificial Rites  
**

 **-oOo-**

"Stop complaining. What's done is done."

Draco sniffed haughtily. "Some of us draw the line at sacrificing their friends to the dark powers."

"You're the Slytherin, not me." Hermione's wand went back into her handbag, nefarious spell complete.

"Slytherins have standards! Gryffindors clearly don't."

"Thank your lucky stars you're with me, then."

Draco did, daily. He still wasn't going to let her get away with it. "Every year you stun a random Weasley, everyone rushes to them, and hey presto we have escaped the Weasley Turkey Buffet. Leaving Pansy behind."

Hermione shrugged. "It's a talent."


	11. Tempus Fugit

**Originally written for draco100 on LiveJournal.  
**

* * *

 **Tempus Fugit**

 **-oOo-**

If nature ran its course, Malfoys took their last breaths surrounded by heavy velvet curtains and house-elves attending their every whim, the finest Healers of the day battling to keep them alive.

They died anyway, but at least they did it in style.

Draco touched his father's cold hand. "I loved you."

It was easier to tell a corpse than say it when Lucius had been alive. Slowly realising everything his father had taught him was wrong, Draco had taken even longer to understand his father did love him, despite everything.

For Scorpius, there would be no 'despite'.

Just love.


	12. Take A Long Walk Off A Steep Cliff

**Originally posted for Draco100 on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **Take A Long Walk Off A Steep Cliff**

 **-oOo-**

"But it's a Muggle thing! Look, I got the boots and everything!" Draco had got rather carried away in his attempts to show he was serious. About Hermione, about having changed – a few hundred Galleons was a small price to pay.

"And a tent?"

Was she testing him, or something?

"Of course I have a tent." Draco tried to look deeply wounded.

She sighed. Deeply. "I suppose you tried. Listen, while I have relaxed my principles sufficiently to go out with you, I refuse to ever set foot in a tent again. Or go hiking."

 **THE END**


	13. Sins Of The Father

**Originally written for Draco100 on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **Sins Of The Father**

 **-oOo-**

Draco picked his words carefully. "I got it wrong. Very wrong. Partly due to my upbringing, which prioritised the correct selection of forks over more practical skills."

How did one look repentant? Trying a downcast demeanour, he glanced at Hermione. She still had her arms crossed across her chest.

"I promise I've seen the error of my ways." His voice dripped with sincerity.

"Seriously, Draco – what sort of idiot wakes the baby to show it his brand new Firebolt? I'm off to the pub with Harry and Ron, _you_ get him back to sleep. See you!"


	14. Death By Chocolate

**Originally written for Draco100 on LiveJournal. Draco doesn't actually make an appearance in this, but he's certainly there in spirit.  
**

* * *

"You asked, I told you." Hermione pursed her lips primly, pushing her teacup away.

Ron looked like he was being stabbed. Slowly. "Nobody, needs to hear that sort of thing. Nobody."

"Arguably Draco does, otherwise how would he know what I'd like for Christmas?"

"I don't believe this!" Ron banged his fist on the table. "The guy you want to – to –" He stuttered on the unsavoury details before settling on: "Cover you in chocolate and –"

"Have his wicked way with me," Hermione supplied helpfully.

"And it's Draco bloody Malfoy. Just kill me now."


	15. Queen Of The World

**Originally written for Draco100 on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **Queen Of The World**

"Russia could do with shaking up. Those anti-Muggle laws are a disgrace!" Only Hermione could get het up about Muggles, even stretched out on a divan.

"Deal," Draco said lazily, pinching a grape from the bunch hovering in the air above him. "If I get to add a new department for Quidditch to the Ministry. _And_ update the rules to allow Muggle missiles."

"Fine."

"What about the Wizengamot? I think they've had their time."

With a superhuman effort, Hermione got on to her feet. "Time's up, back to work."

"You forgot the house-elves."

"Nice try, Unspeakable Malfoy."

 **THE END**


	16. Not Your Cup Of Tea

**There is the way things should have happened (at least according to Lucius), and then there is how they actually turned out. Originally written for the Draco100 prompt "Tea" on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **Not Your Cup Of Tea**

 **-oOo-**

"I'm glad we could have this chat before you go to Hogwarts. There are things you need to know, so you can make the right choices. Some people," Lucius shuddered delicately, "use something called teabags. Don't associate with them. It's a nasty habit picked up from Muggles, and we all know what they're like."

"Yes, Father."

"This is how our kind of people makes tea." Lucius snapped his fingers. "Dobby!"

* * *

In another world, Draco tried the cup of Yorkshire tea Mrs Granger had brewed for him. "Way better than the Ministry canteen – thank you."

* * *

 **A/N: Yorkshire tea comes in tea bags, of course. It could have been worse. It could have been PG Tips, but Hermione's parents would be far too posh to touch that stuff.**


	17. You'll Have A Cup Of Tea Before You Go

**Following the previous installment, I had to write the Irish version. Here, the big debate is whether to have Barry's or Lyons tea – both are orange and stronger than a Hippogriff on steroids.**

* * *

 **You'll Have A Cup Of Tea Before You Go**

 **-oOo-**

"What the hell is this, Finnigan – leprechaun piss?" Draco wiped his mouth, as if to remove the evidence.

Seamus looked injured. "It's tea, Malfoy. Remember I asked you if you wanted a cup of tea?'

"No," Draco corrected him. "You said 'You'll have a cup of tea' – I wasn't given an option."

"Anyway," Seamus rolled his eyes, "here in the real world, this is what people drink. Have some milk."

"I might have a slice of lemon. Please," Draco added belatedly.

He had finished his cup of murky orange-brown liquid by the time Seamus stopped laughing.


	18. Structurally Unsound

**Originally written for Draco100 on Livejournal, for the prompt 'terrified'. I feel it could apply to several people here...**

* * *

 **Structurally Unsound**

 **-oOo-**

"We could always burn it down." Draco sounded almost hopeful.

"Are you familiar with the term 'structurally unsound'? Or 'collapse'?" his mother asked. "It is what tends to happen when you remove a central part of a building."

"Perhaps not use Fiendfyre, then."

"My dear," Narcissa said, with finality, "Miss Granger has agreed to marry you. I doubt the continued existence of our drawing room will change her mind, no matter how the prospect unnerves you."

"I hope you're right," he mumbled.

"She is probably more concerned with the continued existence of your father and I. I shall keep a bezoar handy."

"Mother!"


	19. Dress Up In You

**Two lovers, one heart. And one liver.**

 **Written for Draco100 on LiveJournal. Warning for sensitive readers: this contains Drarry (and gore).**

* * *

 **Dress Up In You**

 **-oOo-**

It was liberating. No one sneered at him when he went out; most people were too starstruck to do anything other than stammer: "Yes, Mr Potter."

All it took was an extra layer, of sorts. Harry had put up a fight when he realised what Draco was about to do, but Draco had reminded him it only brought them closer.

Made them as one.

"Sorry I had to leave some bits of you behind," Draco said to the soggy mess left on the floor. It didn't matter. Harry didn't _need_ a heart anymore, not when he was wrapped around Draco's.


	20. The Family Line

**Back to Dramione; I always imagine this discussion to be the logical consequence of any of my Dramione stories resulting in offspring.  
**

* * *

 **The Family Line**

 **-oOo-**

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Oh, there was a surprise – that one was in Azkaban.

Dead.

"Draco, what are you _doing_?"

"Checking the family tree. Isn't it supposed to get bigger rather than smaller?"

"Well, as to that..."

" _Hermione?!_ "

After he put her down she looked at him sternly. "We are not naming him –"

"Or her –" Draco couldn't stop smiling.

" – or her after any star constellations. Roman names are out, too."

"No dead people," he countered.

"No Shakespeare."

"What's left, then?" Draco asked reasonably.

She handed him a list.

"Sharon?"

"Or Kevin, if it's a boy."

 **THE END**


	21. Collision Of Worlds

**"If you prick us, do we not bleed?" - Draco gets a lesson in basic anatomy.** **Originally written for Draco100 on LiveJournal.**

* * *

 **Collision Of Worlds**

 **-oOo-**

"What do you mean, 'So yours is red, too?' Did you think it was green?" Granger must have been in a snit even before she crashed straight into Draco turning a corner.

"I thought – brown, maybe?" Draco felt lightheaded. Her nose had hit his chin with the considerable momentum of someone late for Potions with Snape.

"Brown? Why – Oh. Here's a tip, Malfoy. Try using your brain instead of believing everything they tell you. If they're right anyway, it won't matter. If they're wrong –"

* * *

They were wrong. About everything. It turned out Granger was worth listening to, however...


End file.
